Disclaimer: This is a very personal post and not what I usually post, but it’s still part of me. I recommend reading this while listening to the “The half of it” playlist on Spotify & past your bedtime.
I just finished watching The half of it on Netflix, a movie by Alice Wu.
Let’s just say I haven’t felt this feeling in a long time. I mean in a long long time.
What feeling am I talking about? Well, for all those who watched the movie, I think you guys know. Especially on the montages of Ellie and Aster texting each other back and forth.
For those who haven’t watched the movie:
It’s the same feeling I felt when it’s the wee hours of the night. Way way past your bedtime or maybe it starts right before your bedtime. For me, it always happened at night. Probably had to do with the quiet of the night and the non-business of everything.
It doesn’t really matter where. Sometimes you’re in a car, parked in front of your house with some good ass music on low, sometimes you’re at a cottage in a boat looking at the stars, sometimes you’re camping around a campfire while most people are sleeping, sometimes in a car driving towards a destination, but seems like you’re driving into darkness, sometimes you’re on your bed on Skype, sometimes you’re in the front porch of a house and sometimes you’re simply on your phone texting away.
But there is always, and I mean always something that doesn’t change and it’s the fact that you’re never alone. Sometimes you’re 4 people, sometimes you’re a bit more, sometimes a bit less and most of the time, it’s just you and another person.
Just talking away. And it might be because both of you are tired as hell or maybe you have too much alcohol in your systems, but you always seem to have the most deep and real conversations. Just talking about life. No judgement, no criticizing, no one trying to be right. Simply talking and understanding and acknowledging. That’s it. And the conversation just flows and flows and flows and it seems to never end. And you sometimes have something important in the morning, but it doesn’t matter. In fact, you usually never even think about it. All you’re thinking about is this moment. Enjoying each other’s company. Seemingly never wanting it to end.
But eventually it does end. Maybe you look at the time for the first time or maybe someone receives a text or maybe someone falls asleep or maybe someone interrupts or maybe you’re lucky enough to see the sun rise. And at that moment, everything snaps backs into reality and you suddenly remember that you have work in 3 hours or that you’re supposed to meet someone in 4 hours or that it’s simply time for you to sleep and you know that in a few hours you’ll have to wake up and you’ll be fucked and tired as hell. But you’ll never exchange what just happened for any amount of sleep.
You know what I’m talking about?
I’m talking about those moments.
And you know, I’ve been trying so much to be happy lately and so busy trying to be busy that I mostly forgot about those types of moments, but I am so glad that I was able to remember them. Not only remember them, but being able to watch that movie and telling myself “I don’t know if that’s what the director wanted me to feel, but I was able to watch this movie and instantly remember all these wonderful moments.” And so, it made me really grateful for having the upbringing I had and the journey that I am going through thus far.
It made me think that if I was more hard-working or more responsible or more geared towards success, then I might have never lived through those moments and never felt those feelings so I’m glad.
I’m glad I was able to have those moments and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. I also hope that you, yes, you reading this, will also be able to live through these types of moments or have lived through them.
Lastly, I hope that even though I’m trying to be happier, I’ll continue having nights like those because, at the end of the day, I think life wouldn’t be complete without those moments and that, I, wouldn’t be fully human without these feelings.