I’ve realized that a lot of the self-pressure I was feeling was due to a fear. The fear of not finding a direction in life before starting a family*. See notes below for more info on this.
I think that’s why I’ve always been pursuing everything in a very hardcore way and that I was “hungry” for fast results (it probably isn’t the only reason, but a big one for sure). The faster I get results, the faster I can get stable and stability is key especially when you’re starting a family. Except this isn’t the way life works. The more you want something, the more impatient you are about it; the less likely you are to get it. Or so it seems anyway.
As a result of this, I had a feeling of never being productive enough and I had a hard time being present in certain situations. One situation is that, sometimes, when I was just relaxing with my girlfriend (so watching a movie or something), I’d drift off into my own head and think of what to do with my future instead of just enjoying her company (sorry Annie). Another one is at work. Instead of being at work and actually working , I was on Google searching some stuff on what to do next or whatever.
Two main problems with this. One, it’s disrespectful to my girlfriend (again sorry, I’m going through some shit here 😂😘) and also to my work (sorry also, thanks for not firing me yet). Two, it’s a total waste of time. I’m not actively doing anything productive about my problem. I’m simply procrastinating with a “good” reason. That’s why it doesn’t surprise me that I’ve never gotten any results or crazy revelations during those moments.
Anyway, that was my situation. I had a hard time finding a balance between planning for my future and being present in the moment. If I planned too much, then I wasn’t being fair with the people around me and if I was being too present and not thinking about the future, then I felt like I was digging myself a hole of regrets.
That is why, on a Monday evening, while driving back from south shore to my house with Danny (one of my closest friends), I used this opportunity to vent about my situation hoping that he might have some advice. and that he did.
His advice boiled down to this: “As one of your close friends, I’m confident that you’ll find your destination (calling, purpose, passion, work, wtv.) before you start a family. All you have to do is prepare as much as you can for it.”
He also paraphrased Warren Buffett saying “It’s like in the MLB. You never know when you’ll have an opportunity to upgrade to the Major Leagues, but all the great people prepare as much as they can so that when they are called up, they hit a home-run and the rest is history. Some people always hope to get called up, but never prepare for it so when they eventually do get called up, they bomb their opportunity and that’s it.”
Obviously, this didn’t magically make all my worries go away immediately, but it helped me a whole fucking lot.
As I live these next few weeks, I’ll be concentrating on my short-term work goal and making sure that I’m ready for whatever life has in store for me. For me, this means enjoying life (the present) while pursuing side projects that I just want to pursue without worrying about whether or not this “leads me somewhere”. I have various interests and all the skills I’ll acquire by completing these projects will lead me somewhere.
I have confidence in my future.
Yes, I know that I’m “only” 24 (turning 25 this year though !!) and that a family is in a long time, but I don’t want to leave it to chance.
The reason why I want to find my direction before is because it gets exponentially harder to change careers when I have a family. The collateral damage goes from my mom being worried & losing my 2GB of LTE on my cellphone (oh no….) to not having enough money to provide for my family, having to worry about the mortgage, my future wife needing to support for a few years and difficult times for my child(ren). Not fun.
Also, just to clarify, my “deadline” is at around 32 because my girlfriend believes that after 30 it becomes more dangerous for the mother to give birth and since I don’t want her to worry about that, I want to respect her wishes of giving birth before 30 and if it’s true, I don’t want to risk it.